Open Letter to High Schoolers

A high school classroom, the class is in and about to start, you’re covering a biology class for a friend. Swiftly skimming the syllabus and index of the textbook you realize you remember 0 biology. 

What do you do? Go.

I’m never sure where these cognitive leaps come from, but this, I answered with launching into an improvised digression onto another topic that might be pertinent to them. 

Today’s class, mental health. 

Immediately some student raises their hand “but how does this relate to biology?” Counter-question: “do you students take a theory of knowledge course, or does something outlay all the various mental disciplines?” No. So right off we have to mention entire fields of understanding, sociology, psychology, philosophy and ethics, etc. I envision drawing on the board a framework I’ve always used to organize knowledge subjects, adapted from an XKCD comic (https://xkcd.com/435/) : 

Math (raw-est) -> Physics (is applied math) -> Chemistry (is applied physics) -> Biology (is applied chemistry) -> Psychology (is applied biology) -> Sociology (is applied psychology). 

Therefore class, we’re simply taking our biology and diving deeper into some of the ways it plays out and manifests for humans. 

High schoolers, there are things you won’t be taught. They’re not in the curriculum, won’t be, and you’ll come out of school under-equipped in these areas of knowledge. You may realize this already, where do you learn slang? 

Some of these educational gaps are important, things you’ll need in your life, like Mental Health. 

This isn’t covered, but it will be with you your whole life. I’ve forgotten a lot of biology, or haven’t had to use it, to learn a lot more about how to take care of myself. Your mind is your responsibility, your feelings, emotions, setting yourself up for good experiences, how to handle bad ones. This is going to happen day in and day out. 

Turning to the football player in the room - How much do you bench? 240? Nicely done, you’re very strong. Can you do a pushup with me on your back? [He does] Wow, that’s impressive. Now be honest, did this just come to you? Ah, it took oodles of practice over months and years? You had to learn various techniques and disciplines to develop this? Did you have any help along the way? You did? Well you’ve worked very hard and it’s clearly paid off. 

It’s the same for your mental health. 

Life is going to throw adversity on you, put monkeys on your back. It will happen. Having the techniques to handle adversity, to respond well, to have resilience and strength under load. It takes practice and a bit of self-discipline and honest measurement, self-reflection. Just like being an athlete, or getting high test scores. 

Have you been practicing, have you been working out, for when your feelings get hurt, or how to handle sadness, or what to do when times get tough? What about asking for help? Yes that is a skill, and I bet our athlete here had a lot of help in his development. Indeed you’ll need help throughout life, altogether. 

The difference is, this doesn’t just happen to our football stars, it happens to all of us.

There are myriad different disciplines, practices and facets of this, just like there are innumerable workouts one can do to strength or endurance train. I’ll only mention a few, one as an example: 

Journaling. Yes I know it sounds hokey to some, some may already be doing it. I’m not even necessarily saying you have to keep a paper journal and write in it every day. But, the fundamental practice articulating our feelings expressing ourselves, even if it’s to no one or to ourselves, is a skill. That takes practice. Sometimes it’s only when we have to describe how we feel that we actually figure out what it is. By voicing our inner landscape we may catch some of the things we’re doing that aren’t so great, or perhaps discover positive instincts to celebrate more. We might be better able to manage our behavior, for example controlling rage, when our emotions are running all over, if we recognize them better. 

If you don’t know how to say what you feel, how can you explain to a friend how something they did hurt you? Or tell your parents why you’re frustrated? Or share your feelings with a future spouse? Or your kids? How do you share the grief of losing a family member, a friend? 

I don’t care how strong a person is, they have a mental space that can be negative. There can be things that come at you that hurt, even if you’re an MMA fighter, or your skin is bulletproof. Many of you will note that’s partially the premise of Luke Cage. The toughest, strongest guy, might lose his father, or have a wife cheat on him, or lose his job. He might have doubts about what he’s doing, who he is, or whether his friends or his girlfriend actually likes him. Any number of emotional or mental adversity may and will come. Obviously I wish the least of it on you as possible. 

But be prepared and practiced. Don’t bury and avoid this stuff, as it just doesn’t work. It may not feel safe to share these parts of you with everyone - and you don’t have to. But have some people you can. 

Other practices, having a support network and people who help you when you’re struggling, who you can trust and have your best interests at heart. Reflect and introspect - consider what’s going on and how you feel. Try to recognize your thoughts a bit quicker as they’re happening, perchance to catch or constrain bad ones as they’re coming. Meditate - there are many different styles and it may be daunting, but worth considering, it can be really helpful for finding a bit more calm, peace, and self. 

And talk. It may not be safe, or even appropriate to share all things with all people, but don’t avoid some of the feely or heavier stuff. Chat about these things with your friends, or those you trust. Ask advice and consider it seriously, (and then make up your own mind). Vent off frustrations and grievances, who doesn’t like complaining, right? 

In general, if you just avoid this, don’t engage with it, bury your feelings or hide from your own thoughts, feelings and experience rather than confront them, these things will just build up and kick your butt later, one way or another. 

And they have an advantage - they’re always with you. 

Conversely, these practices, skills, this resilience and strength you’re building. That also stays with you forever. And its applications? Are myriad. You make these investments, however scary and difficult they may be, throughout your life and you keep drawing on this strength forever. 

Isn’t that work worth doing?